I am Loving Awareness because I was born aware—and spent most of my life trying to shove that awareness down just to survive. People didn’t understand me, and what they didn’t understand, they feared or demonized. Add trauma on top of that, and I learned to shrink myself. I became a people pleaser. I harmed myself trying to fit into molds that were never made for me. I didn’t know how to cope with my own pain, and in trying to survive, I passed down some of those same coping tools to my children.
I also passed down love—real, unconditional love—and a desire to help others. But I didn’t know how to love or help myself.
When my son Cameron overdosed at 25, a part of me died too. I threw myself into helping people with mental illness and addiction, never realizing I was still bleeding inside. It was Darren, my other son, who brought me back to who I really am. Once he knew I was awake—truly awake—he went to be with Cameron.
Now, there’s no turning back. This path, this presence, this work is my life. Darren always spoke of Loving Awareness. He loved Ram Dass and reminded me often: we’re just walking each other home.
I’ve embraced those teachings as my own, not as an idea, but as a way of living. I am Loving Awareness because I’ve learned how to love all of me—and I will keep helping others do the same, one step at a time, as we walk each other home.